Reading with Intention 2012

I always look forward to my annual reading list sum up. Even if it is the only thing I end up blogging all year... I read FIFTY-FIVE books this year. NOT including the ones I read to/with Elie. I felt like I did a pretty good job of reading "intentionally" but I realized as I was looking back that it wasn't quite as faultless as I thought. I mean besides reading the entire Harry Potter trilogy, I also read a couple other kid's fantasy books. Call it research for when Elie gets to that stage. I need to be well informed, right? Anyway, one of the books made it to my top list of books that I read this year. Well, technically it is a saga, so there are currently three of them.

(In no particular order)
The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson. Andrew Peterson is one of my all time favorite musicians/ songwriters. All his music is very storytelleresque and I just love the imagery of all of his songs. I read an article by him that actually was what convinced me to read Harry Potter. When I found out he wrote a young adult fantasy series (my guilty pleasure) I just had to read it. It was definitely worth reading.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy- One of the best books I have ever read. I actually read it twice. I read it once and then immediately read it again. It is beautifully written. It is also very bleak and a little gruesome (post apocalyptic). It kind of has the same feel as "Book of Eli" without the violence. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone, but it is definitely worth the read.

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell- I heard this described as "Jane Austen with meat." It is roughly the same era as Jane Austen, but not quite as silly. I loved, loved, loved this book. I actually read this book twice too. This is one that I will pick up in the future when I need a little romance fix. There is also a BBC miniseries that is also fantastic.

Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson- I read this on recommendation and I am SO glad I did. Bill Bryson is a comedic travel writer and this is his memoir on growing up in the 50s. It is hilarious. And I did not grow up in the 50s. I laughed so many times. I was even in tears.

Bossypants by Tina Fey- This was a quick, funny read. I read it without ever seeing 30 rock (which I am now a fan of) or really ever watching SNL so there were some parts that were kind of boring for me, but overall a good laugh.

Peace Like a River by Leif Enger- Another very well written book similar to The Road but not gruesome at all. VERY VERY well written.

Les Miserable by Victor Hugo- UNABRIDGED. The story is classic and amazing. If I were to ever read this book again I would get the Abridged version. There is a lot of extraneous detail (about 200 pages on the benefits of recycling human feces) that doesn't really pertain to the story. The story itself is very well told and I loved the humanness of the characters.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas- Unabridged. This book was amazing. It had the length of Les Mis without the superfluity. It was so well told. Reading these books and a couple by Gaskell made me realize how inundated with Christ the culture used to be. If you ever want to teach a non-Christian about who Christ is have them read Ruth by Elizabeth Gaskell, or the abridged version of Les Miserable.

September... a month of beginnings

September went by in a whirlwind. We started so many new things in September (and promptly quit a few). I felt like I needed to chronicle some of it to keep track.

I started working again. On Thursdays and Fridays through December I will be working back at North Marion Primary. It is a completely different position than I was in before (less biting, scratching and screaming. More paperwork and wiggly first graders). So far I am enjoying it, but it is hard to be gone two days a week.

Since I am working in Aurora and "my horse" is in Canby, I have been hanging out at my Aunt's house sans kids. I had hoped that I could be in Canby by 6:30 and work with Nina before school, but that did not work out. It was fun while it lasted. It did my heart good to be out on the farm with sun rising, scooping horse poop and handing out hay. There is a deep, physical longing in my soul that I someday get to live that life. As much fun as pretending is... 

Homeschool started full swing this month. I am still struggling with what is really important and what is doable. I have all these visions in my head of what I want school to look like (lots of crafts, awesome, meaningful activities) and then reality hits and I feel like a complete failure. But Elie is really great at reading and is way ahead of where she *should* be, so I keep telling myself that. Being in a school has helped keep things in perspective.

I ran a 5k! I am not a runner, and am really not very good about being self motivated to do ANYTHING, so this was definitely a struggle for me. The only time I could really train was if I got up at 6:00 in the morning... so I definitely did not end up where I wanted to be. BUT the 5k itself went really well and I never hit a place where I thought "I. must. stop. now" so I was proud.

I started a 30 day 24 hour diet similar to the Paleo diet. That went well.






Elie and Lainey started AWANA. Lainey is a few months shy of the cutoff date for the Cubbie's class, but it is a super small church so they let her and a couple other *almost* 3 year olds join. Wednesdays are a lot more peaceful in my house right now.  It is funny to see my girls love something that I HATED so much. For me, social events that involved tons of people and REQUIRED participation were pure torture for me... But my girls love it. I am learning memory verses like crazy.

Nick FINALLY started rebuilding our fence THAT BLEW DOWN IN APRIL. No bitterness or crazy nagging wife here, I promise. So weekends have been a continuation of me having the girls by myself all day while trying desperately hard not to be frustrated at the seemingly lack of progress outside. My wonderful father-in-law came down last weekend and put boards up. Now at least it looks finished out my window. I am not anticipating it ACTUALLY being finished until next summer. Thank you hunting season.

Elie started CC the last week of September. I am really excited about this. I am thrilled with what she (and Lainey and I) are learning. I am again amazed at my sheer lack of knowledge and it is so fun to get to see Elie be successful in a school setting. I am really hoping and praying that this group gives both of us some community. I have been really lonely the last two years and I desperately want a friend.













I started a little preschool in my house with my kids and two of the neighbor kids. They were coming over two days a week in the morning and we did circle time and arts and crafts. Them being there was a little more motivation for me to get more organized with fun activities with school. I quickly realized that having them two mornings a week, working two mornings a week and Elie's school the other day, left me exhausted and no time to shop, clean or have fun. SO I only have them one day week now. It is still a lot for me, but we are making do. I move down to one day a week of work in January and I am definitely looking forward to breathing a little easier.

I think that mostly sums it up. Life has been busy. My girls are all at a pretty fun stage in life right now. Elie is so grown up and entertaining. Lainey is hilarious and goofy and Delia is just starting to be independent and have personality.

Adventures in Homeschooling...

Elie *officially* started Kindergarten in July. We have had 18 days of school since then. I am going to be working two days a week in the fall, so I thought we would start doing school a few days a week in the summer to compensate. One thing is for sure, doing school consistently will be a LOT easier when it is rainy and cold outside. As it is, 18 days is not much to show for a months worth of time. =) I have learned SO much in that time period though. I am really excited to start "real" school this fall. I fully recognized that the first few weeks.. uh hem.. years might be a lot of trial and error and every day I learn something. Elie is doing WAY better than I anticipated her doing. She is such a smart kid and is so open to learning (properly presented material). I am learning a lot about how she learns and who she is. I did an online assessment for her math in order to know which curriculum to buy and she tested into first grade math. So far, we haven't hit anything that was really new to her. She is also doing such a great job reading!

We will be starting Classical Conversations in a few weeks. It is a Christian organization that provides supplemental material for homeschool families. Elie (and I) will be attending once a week for three hours. We will learn SO much. I am very anxious to get started. I am also praying that we will both make some good friends. It will be good for her to get some "classroom" experience and spend regular time getting instruction with someone other than me.

I have sort of ignored Lainey for the last few years. Not really ignored her, but with Elie I spent so much time doing songs and finger play and working with her on colors and shapes and all that. Lainey was/is so busy playing with Elie that I haven't really done any of that with her. Elie being in school has given me the opportunity to spend some pointed time with Lainey too. When Elie is doing copy work or a math worksheet, I am spending some one on one time with Lainey. I can also include Lainey in a lot of what I do with Elie; bible stories, memory verses, "circle time", etc. It has been really great and I am learning how unique she is.

Homeschooling also provides a whole new opportunity for me to grow as a person and put more confidence in myself. I (and I hope I am not alone in this) am constantly second guessing my choices and decisions in regards to my kids. I am so worried I am going to do something that will screw them up for life. Now, not only can I potentially emotional scar them, damage their bodies by feeding them sugar or non organic peanut butter, I have the potential to destroy their hopes and dreams of going to Harvard or Yale. I think we are doing pretty well and then I look on Pinterest and see these mom's whose homeschool rooms are cute and crafty and organized, where the kids are learning three languages and are reading Hemingway in Kindergarten AND having time for karate, soccer, swimming and arts and craft classes. The feelings of inadequacy can so easily start to drown me. I have to work every day to be comfortable in doing my best and showing that to my daughters. We all carry calculators everywhere anyway, right?

28 and counting...

Birthdays have always been a time of reflection for me. During childhood I always felt excited about hitting that next milestone. I vividly remember how excited I was to turn 10 and hit the DOUBLE DIGITS. I turn 28 this week and I think I have finally hit that place where my heels are starting to drag in the dirt a little as I cry out "wait, wait. I am not ready yet!" I think it is worse because of Nick. He is a year older and therefore I feel like I have lost a year of my life just by association. I am going to have a really hard time when he turns 30, I think. Anyway... in the spirit of reflection I decided to do a quick snapshot of who I am at the ripe old age of soon to be 28.

Favorite books- I have been a pretty voracious reader this year. I have talked about before my "reading with intention" and I have been pretty proud of my literary accomplishments in the last three years. This year, I already have 27 (and two halves) books under my belt. My favorite books are (in no particular order and as I remember them)
1. North and South
2. Anne of Green Gables (the series because the pressure of choosing is really too much)
3. The Raging Quiet
4. Lonesome Dove
5. The Road

My favorite things to do-
1. Sleep
2. Eat chocolate
3. Bake (not exclusively) chocolate
4. Read
5. Ride/ spend any amount of time on or near horses
6. Walk/hike with my family

What I am obsessed with right now-
Surprisingly, I am not really obsessed with anything right now.  There are plenty of things that I could easily slip into if I allowed myself, but I am trying to be more controlled.

My bucket list-
1. Live in a foreign country
2. own property and have horses, chickens, pigs and cows
3. Raise lovely, God-loving, independent, wise, confident, intelligent, happy children
4. Go to South America again and THIS time visit Antartica
5. Swim with sharks

My ideal birthday-
Waking up fully rested and spending the day in a forest field somewhere riding with my family. Eating a picnic lunch somewhere with amazing food that I didn't have to prepare or even think of. sigh. That sounds lovely. I just read a book that had a magic tablecloth in it (yes, it was a children's book) and if you said to it "tablecloth, please set thyself" it would magically fill with wonderful food. That is a great idea.

Hmm. I can't really think of anything about myself at this stage of my life. I have been very happily married for 8 years. I have three little girls that that make me laugh, cry and scream in frustration (often within seconds of each other). I definitely have few complaints about my life right now (I'd rather not be quite so exhausted all the time) and have a great life so far.

Delia Jayne

My baby. When I was pregnant with Delia I prayed for an easy going baby who loved to sleep. I did not get that. She is seriously high maintenance and some days I feel like all I did in that day was try and get her to sleep. She just turned 8 months and is already so determined and stubborn. If she doesn't want to sleep, she will not. If she wants to nurse, she will scream for HOURS until she gets what she wants. She is also so attached to me. I did not do anything differently with her than I did with my other two, but for whatever reason, she is an INTENSE momma's girl. She will scream and scream if I leave the room, house, 3 inch vicinity. It makes things difficult for me and whoever is with her when I am not. We get paged every week at the nursery at church after about 15 minutes and I never get to work out. I get really great cuddles though. She is at the stage where she really wants to be mobile but she has a serious aversion to being on her stomach. So crawling is pretty much out of the question. She loves to grab my hands and walk around and she is getting good at cruising around the furniture. I am hoping she will get a little bit easier once she starts walking. Then she can follow me around and grab my legs instead of me having to carry her everywhere... oy vey. When I am around and holding her though she is a great, happy baby. She is always smiling at people and making them think she wants to be held by them. She is such a tease. It is pretty incredible to be loved so completely though. How can I not reciprocate?

Plus, she is stinking cute.

Lainey Kate

My Lainey is my goofy, crazy, easy going, happy kid. She makes me laugh every day. And she has THE greatest laugh. She has recently discovered her inner two year old and is embracing it fully. She asks me the same question over and over and over. Even if my answer is yes. If she doesn't get whatever she asked for IMMEDIATELY I get to hear about it indefinitely. Patience is definitely not something she is skilled at currently. She is also a mischievous little thing. I always know if there is silence she is in trouble. One of my favorite Lainey stories is one day I walked into the kitchen and saw her digging in the silverware drawer for a spoon. I told her to put it back and she slumped her shoulders, said "oh man" and put it back. She then walked to the table with the same dejected manner, screwed the lid back on the jar of Nutella and put it back in the cupboard. Apparently, I had walked into the kitchen just in time. I have also discovered her completely naked covered head to toe with jam. She knows exactly how to push Elie's buttons too and what used to be friendly play no frequently involves shouting matches. She calls Elie "Elie Fae" and "my sisssy" She has this particular way of tilting her head and opening her eyes really wide when she is trying to be insistent about something. Her answer to every "no" lately is "but I am two and a half now." Which she says with her two fingers held up and her head tilted. "No Lainey you can't have ice cream for breakfast." "But I am two and a half now." I love to tickle her. She is such a fun kid and I adore her. She is also my only sleeper. Although she is not ALWAYS happy...

Eliahna Fae

Blogging just hasn't really been my thing lately but I felt a profusion of words today and needed an outlet. So... I am going to write do an update on my children. Eliahna turned 5 in February. She is an amazing kid. Her imagination is incredible and I hope she never stops finding "friends" (aka kindred spirits) everywhere she turns (real and imagined). She is so smart and surprises me with how she processes and thinks about things long after they've been mentioned. A few months ago, Nick and I decided to homeschool her next year. It was a serious roller coaster decision but I finally feel peace about it (most days). We enrolled her in Classical Conversations, a really neat program that she will attend once a week as a supplemental curriculum. There she will get the classroom setting for a few hours as well as other kids her age to interact with. A couple factors went into our decision and how much I agree with the philosophy and material that Classical Conversations has was one of my main reasons. I am SO excited for all that she will learn and all that I get to teach her (and all that I will learn as well.) We have sort of started doing a few subjects and she is doing very well. She can read some simple books independently and the more success she has the more enthusiastic she is to continue. I have learned so much about her in the last few months. About what motivates her, what scares her and how she learns. I am so excited to see the woman she will become. And terrified at the same time. She is a great big sister and loves to carry Delia around and boss Lainey. She is a great helper and can keep Delia busy long enough for me to get something done. I love her so much.

She loves to take self portraits of herself with my phone and text the picture to people.

She is rarely actually dressed in normal clothes. Still.

crazy girls.

She can entertain herself for hours. She came out of the playroom one day and had kept herself busy making a diorama and a whole wardrobe of kleenex clothes for her barbie.

Jessye's Fantasy Land

If I had any control over my life here is what it would look like:

After a restful 8 hours of sleep I would get up at 6, work out and spend some time in my Bible. I would shower and get dressed, put on make-up and maybe even some jewelery. I would make some bread and then a hot breakfast. One by one, my sleepy eyed children would wake up and wander in to the kitchen for some morning cuddles and a well-balanced, hearty meal. The rest of the morning would be spent bathing, dressing and playing with those well behaved, happy, well-rested angelic children of mine. Maybe we'd go for a morning walk, exploring and finding leaves to bring home to do projects with. Or visit the library... We'd come home and eat lunch and take naps. Elie and I would spend some quality one-on-one time together. We'd read some books or practice her letters... When Nick came home from work the house would be clean, dinner would be on the table and I would still be wearing my jeans and earrings.

*keep in mind this fantasy is partially based in reality. If it was TRUE fantasy there would be horses, chickens, pigs and a maid.

Ahhh. dreaming...

Reading with Intention 2011

I counted up my books for this year and was a little disappointed in myself. Last year I read 40 books. I was really hoping to beat that this year. Unless I manage to finish one of the two books I am reading in the next four days (highly unlikely given the papers I have to grade and the house I have to clean) I will have read the same amount. I comfort myself with the knowledge that a number of the books I read were LONG not to mention I bought a house and had a baby. ANYWAY... My top 5 books of the year were... (drumroll please)

In no particular order:
Lonesome Dove- Larry McMurtry
Rebecca- Daphne du Maurier
The Fountainhead- Ayn Rand
The Good Earth- Pearl S. Buck
Our Hearts were Young and Gay- Skinner and Kimbrough

Okay I will just make it my top 10-
Winnie the Pooh- A.A. Milne
David Copperfield- Dickens
The Elegance of the Hedgehog- Muriel Barbery
Rilla of Ingleside- L.M. Montgomery
The Horse Boy- Issakson


Oh and Farenheit 451. (Can you believe I was an English major and I've never read this before?!)

It was a very good year as far as reading goes and I am excited about what adventures I will go on next year. I think I am going to FINALLY commit to reading Harry Potter...

Just another day...

All is good and peaceful in The Saemenes Household... in my dreams. That is if I had been allowed enough time to dream in between my four year old waking me up to tell me her elf (on the shelf) was "boring her," my two year old waking up needing her pacifier and my baby needing to eat. In reality, my bathroom doesn't have a wall or a shower head and more than once today I have had three screaming girls crammed on my lap. At another time I had my lunch burning on the stove, a screaming baby in bed and a turd rolling out of another kid's pants.

I haven't showered since Tuesday and it is Friday. My bathroom looks like you need a hard hat, my house looks like a war-zone and my kitchen looks like a deranged frenchman with a clever was chasing a runaway crustacean through it. I am tired and stinky and it will take all my self- control not to break open that half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer and put myself in a sugar induced state of comadic (yes, I did just make that word up) bliss.

silly old bear...

Elie and I read Winnie the Pooh together this week. It was so much fun to have her grab her book and snuggle in every time I sat down to read. I have been waiting for the day I could read with her since I found out I was pregnant. My three greatest desires for my children are that I can show them to love God, books and swimming. It was the first time I read Winnie-the-pooh and I loved it. It was very subtle with some more advanced humor, but still easy for her to understand.

On the last page was my favorite quote-
" When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, " what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. " What do you say, Piglet?"
" I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing." he said.

Double Edged Swords

I have been thinking a lot lately about the "curse of Eve." When I am pregnant especially I think about how creative God got in his curse. Physically, the sheer amount of weird things that happen to a woman's body during pregnancy is beyond what my own imagination could conjure up. One thing that has been really striking me is that to every negative thing about motherhood there is an unbelievably positive right behind it- softening the blow. As uncomfortable as it is to be pregnant, nothing matches the feeling of your child growing and kicking and stretching and simply being inside. Childbirth itself is beyond painful. In some cases, the child is literally ripped out of a woman's body and yet (at least in my own experience) I feel happy afterwards. I WANT to have another baby despite knowing the pain and discomfort I will experience getting there. As they get older, there are plenty of the same double edged sword that makes up motherhood. I remember how excited I was for Elie to say my name for the first time and how many times since I have yelled "if you say my name ONE more time I am going to scream!" since.

I have a two month old a two year old and a four and a half year old. Being a stay at home mom with small children is exhausting, lonely, and to be honest, sometimes boring. I catch myself some days saying "I just have to get through these next few years and things won't be so hard." Or with Delia, thinking "just a few more months and she'll start sleeping better." Seeing my older two growing so fast has given me pause this time around. Yes, in a few months Delia will be sleeping better but she won't have that newborn smell anymore and she won't stretch in that newborn way with her back arched and her face all squishy.

I hate "Christianese" so this is in no way an attempt at that, but motherhood has taught me so much about the way we are loved. The more I think about it, the more I think that God gave us His "curse." The curse to love someone unconditionally, despite pain, annoyance, discomfort and fear. Despite having to stand there powerlessly watching those we would die for make mistakes and get hurt. Despite being yelled at, complained at, pooped on (metaphorically and otherwise) and ignored.

Wow. That is not at all where I anticipated this blog post to go when I sat down to write it.

On having an Obsessive Personality...

I have an extremely obsessive personality. Unfortunately for me, the obsessive personality is coupled with a complete and utter lack of self control. I can't read before bed otherwise I will stay up until the book is finished, I will watch a show incessantly until I have watched them all (even if I don't like the show) and I occasionally get completely obsessed with a particular food. I am hopeless around cookies but there have been certain foods in my life that I go through phases of eating and thinking about ALL. DAY. LONG. In high school it was mozzarella sticks. When I was pregnant with Elie it was shaved ice with vitamin water. Currently, I can't stay out of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter cups. Nick actually locked them in his gun safe last night to save me from myself. And I nearly went back to Trader Joe's today just to get more. I am completely pathetic.

First Garden

I harbor secret fantasies about being a farm girl. I want a big barn with horses and cows and chickens and pigs. Step one to accomplishing that goal was go get guinea pigs. Surely, I need practice taking daily care of animals and why not start small (plus it was hard enough to talk nick into those). Unfortunately, the guinea pigs were a failure and a week after Delia was born I sold them. Step two in accomplishing my countryfied living goals was to have a garden. THAT was a success.



I learned a LOT just from trial and error and I will do my garden differently next year, but we were VERY happy with our results.

The girls especially, well Lainey especially- Elie kinda lost interest after the strawberries were done- loved to go out to the garden and pick and eat the booty. I found Lainey outside more than once eating not quite ripe tomatoes.





I also learned some about "home made" vegetables- they don't all come out looking like they do at the store. For example, some carrots look like this...



I froze green beans, carrots, zucchini and corn and made batches and batches of spagetti sauce from our tomatoes and zucchini bread. I can't wait until next year!

On having enought love...

I know a common concern for parents when they are pregnant with their second child is if they will have enough love for subsequent children. Personally, I was never worried about that because of how my love changed after Elie was born. I remember one of the things that surprised me the most about having Elie was my love for Nick. I loved him more because he loved our child. Every time I saw his smile at her or teach her something, I loved him more. When Lainey was born my love for him and Elie did the same thing. Now, with Delia, I am experiencing the same phenomenon. I love to watch Lainey be a big sister. She wants to "mwah" baby all the time. If Delia starts to cry, Lainey will immediately run to her and say "hey lelah hey shhh." She will even go so far as to get her own pacifier out of her bed and try and soothe her baby.
Elie's role as big sister is different than it was with Lainey and she loves being the one showing Lainey how to do it.
The old cliche "love grows" is so unbelievably accurate it blows my mind. My sister got married this weekend and in the sermon my brother in law (not the groom) talked about how "God is love" and therefore Love is a person. An independent entity. A living, being. I never really fully understood that until having kids.

Delia Jayne

Delia Jayne’s Birth Story

Your story starts at the beginning of January (well technically a few weeks before that but we won’t go into details.) Lainey had recently turned a year and I had stopped breastfeeding. I had a period but I knew that the first couple of post-baby periods are pretty inconsistent so I wasn’t really keeping track. Christmas Eve I had this weird, random suspicion that I was pregnant, but ignored it because I knew it was just my imagination. After New Year’s though I started getting REALLY suspicious and decided to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive. Clearly positive- “the line is blue before I am even done peeing on the stick” positive. Honestly, I don’t even remember how I told Nick that I was pregnant. I was in complete and utter shock. After trying for a year to get pregnant with Lainey, I had told myself that it would take time to get pregnant again. I had been so miserable for that entire year that I vowed not to let myself put my family through that again. I had built up huge walls and told myself I wasn’t ready for another baby so that if it took another year it wouldn’t hurt so bad. Nick and I walked around in shock for a couple of weeks and adjusted to the idea. Then we put an offer on a house and told our families that we were pregnant and moving.

I hate to admit this because I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want you or wasn’t excited about you but I was so busy between moving and two kids and working part time that I wasn’t able to devote as much time to thinking about your presence while I was pregnant. There was still this mist of unreality surrounding your growth within me. You didn’t make me sick like the other girls and I didn’t feel as PREGNANT physically like I did with my other pregnancies so it was easier to forget. I also was completely convinced you were a boy because of it.

Fast forward a few months and I was sitting on the couch watching Anne of Green Gables. As with Elie and Lainey, I wanted somehow to bring the legacy of my childhood hero into the naming of you. Elie had her Elven middle name, but since your father wouldn’t let me name Lainey “Avonlea” I hadn’t really but successful. All of a sudden the name Delia struck me. Everyone had suggested that I name one of my girls “Anne” but she hated her name so much that I couldn’t do that. She wanted to be named Cordelia. We had joked around about Cordelia before but I just couldn’t bring myself to name a daughter that. It means “heart” so I really wanted to because I liked that as well. But why not just Delia. I immediately felt this wash of “rightness” come over me and knew you were my little Delia. I expected to get push back from Nick but he was half hearted at best so I knew it was decided. He chose Jayne and we put the “y” in there for Jayne Cobb from the show Firefly.

Fast forward another few months. I was fat, grouchy, hot and tired of being pregnant. Life had just become insane, we had dry rot in our kitchen so the kitchen was destroyed, boxes of food on the floor, refrigerator in the dining room, plywood floor. Nick was about to finish his program so he had a 7 page paper due, a project thesis and his oral presentation due. In order to give him some time to do all his homework (and as a distraction for me) we went up to Portland for the week. Nick’s thesis was due Friday so we had a full week of activities planned to keep us out of his hair. Thursday night, around 6:45, we were sitting down to dinner outside (thankfully) at my parent’s when I felt this “pop” inside me and then a sudden panic that I was peeing my pants. My dad was talking and when he finished I said, “my water just broke.” I said it very calmly and in somewhat of a shock myself- I hadn’t processed it in my head first so I said it as I was thinking it. My parents stared at me for a minute before my dad jumped up and said (with a slight note of panic in his voice) “I am trying not to go all “oh geez oh geez on you” so what is the plan?” (my dad does not respond to crisis situations well and one time something was happening that required immediate action and he literally threw his hands up in the air and danced around saying “oh geez oh geez”) We called Nick packed up my stuff and headed home. I still had not had a contraction at this point. My house was a mess and my “I am definitely ready for this baby” attitude turned out to not entirely be the case. My mom, Nick and I ran around the house changing sheets, running to Lowe’s (Nick) to get parts for the tub, doing dishes and laundry. I was still leaking water occasionally and had to change my pants three times in a few hours despite the giant pad I pulled out of my birth kit. Around 8 I decided to get the mail and had my first contraction. Heather came down from Mom and Dad’s with Elie and we turned on Firefly for some distraction. At 9:30 I had my first strong contraction. Kari arrived soon after that. After that time is kind of lost on me. I don’t remember how close my contractions were but when they were around 5 we called the midwives over. Things were progressing fast enough and hard enough that I wanted in the pool but we didn’t have enough hot water. Heather and my mom got the old fashioned home birth task of boiling water. (I don’t think the pioneers dumped their boiling water into an inflatable tub like we did though.)

Elie and Lainey’s births were different in a lot of ways and so when I envisioned your birth I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had a few premonitions earlier in the month that labor would start by my water breaking in public, but I NEVER imagined that it would actually happen. Your labor was hard. I think because it started with my water breaking, the contractions were harder and more intense. My sciatica in my legs and back was way worse than with my other labors and I was way more emotional. Half the time I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, scream, walk around or give up. With the sciatica I didn’t even have relief between contractions because my back would still hurt. I was a lot more anxious about the whole process this time around and was constantly fighting to stay calm and relaxed. I don’t know if this birth was closer to my last one and so my body still remembered the feeling of Lainey actually coming out (which was what I was most anxious for) or what. I think since the bag wasn’t there cushioning your head, with every contraction I felt the pressure of you and felt a sense of panic that I would begin pushing.

At one point I felt like I had to poop and I said so- my midwife, Lennon, said “that’s good, it means she is closer” and I said “no, I think it means I have to poop” and I kicked everyone out. Nick stayed with me and it was the first time in 7 years that I have pooped in front of him.

We woke Elie up at about 12:45 and she was so sleepy and groggy. She mostly dozed on Heather’s lap. At one point I was feeling especially emotional and for the first time in any of my labors was feeling close to “I just can’t do it”. I had my head buried in Nick’s shoulder and was trying to keep it together when my sleepy first born baby grabbed my hand and just held it. It was an act of pure sweetness and it broke me and filled me with renewal all at the same time.

The point where I actually started to push is a blur. I had asked Kari to help me turn around right when I felt you coming. With all three of my labors, being on my hands and knees was the ONLY position I could be in. I tried moving a bit this time around but it hurt so much worse when I wasn’t on my knees. I felt like I was going to start to push so I tried to get turned around so I could see you come out, and immediately realized what a bad idea it was. I remember panicking, maybe yelling, that I couldn’t be that way but at the same time I could feel your head so I didn’t know what to do. I reached down and was cupping your head in my hands and I distinctly remember the feeling of your head. The next thing I knew you were in my arms. You came out in three contractions and it was pure instinct and adrenaline running my body. You shot out of my body in one push and I pulled you out of the water. I have no memory of this. The next thing I remember is Lennon’s urgent voice telling me the cord was wrapped around your neck and I vaguely watched as she untangled you and put you against my chest. It was such a shock to everyone to see you make your debut in such a quick and unexpected manner. You were born at 1:28am on August 19th. 7 pounds 4 oz.

Everything about your short existence so far has been full of surprise. You definitely have your own personality and are very opinionated in your desires. You are currently 11 days old and have a high-pitched scream and want to be held all the time. You came 10 days early, the day before a hugely important exam of your father’s and when we were out of town. You definitely have your own agenda.

comeback?

I had basically written off this blog. I felt like there was nothing in my life worth writing about (not that my kids aren't but you know) and that no one cared. Now I am a stay at home mom again and I remember why I started the blog in the first place... It was an opportunity to get my words and thoughts out. Sean Watkins says "words can starve to death if they never leave the page" well I am remembering that they can also starve to death if they never leave your head. I am home all day with small children, I have no friends and my wonderful, amazing husband is doing homework most of every evening which means I have no way to get my thoughts, feelings or even just simple words out of my head. So here it goes... I should rename my blog to word vomit. "Saemenes Four" isn't applicable anymore anyway.

disenchantment

Obviously, I have not had much motivation lately to blog. Either the novelty has worn off, or nothing going on in my life warrants sharing with others or what but... if anyone still reads it at all this is what we've been up to lately...

http://web.mac.com/nicksaemenes/Eliahna/Spring%21.html

My Four Year Old Teenager

What I heard come out of my daughter's mouth in a half an hour of our day today...

"I am never talking to you again"
"Mom, you are the best" (random hug)
cough cough "apparently, I need some water"
and lots and lots of random out of the blue tears

At one point I was holding Lainey in my lap and Elie started yelling and stomped out of Lainey's room and slammed the door. Lainey just looked at me with her brows raised and we both started laughing. I am SO excited for PMS!!!!

Saemenes Family Update

So it has been a while since I've written anything on this blog, so I figured I should start with a general update. We just bought a house in Keizer and are officially moved in as of this weekend. Apparently, we don't have any pictures of the front of our house, but here is a picture of the kitchen!

Nick- Is very excited about the idea of having a garage, a backyard and endless "man" projects to keep him busy. I have never seen any one so excited about buying a push broom. I didn't realize when we bought the house how lonely I would become. He is still plugging away at school and getting straight As. I am very proud of him. It is not fun for him.

Jessye- Is sooo excited to be 15 weeks pregnant and over the majority of the nausea. I only threw up once(!!!!) which made everything so much easier. I just figured out that I am anemic, so I had a rough couple of weeks of pure exhaustion before I figured out I should start taking iron. After three days of Iron supplements I have been able to stay up past 8 and do more than lay on the floor and watch my kids play the entire afternoon. Energy is an amazing thing. My poor mother has been fantastic since I have essentially done no housework, cooking or shopping. Work has been very exhausting but I still enjoy it.

Elie- has been attending preschool for the last two months and is so sad to be leaving her friends and school when we move. She is constantly making me alternate between laughing and wanting to yank out my hair in frustration. She is so loving (maybe a little too much so sometimes) towards Lainey and is really excited for the new baby. She is thrilled about her new room and her new house but very sad to be leaving the spoiled atmosphere of Oma and Opa's.



Miss Lainey Kate-
Lainey is a spitfire and a half. She is so funny. She either has a smile on her face and is giggling, or she is screaming at the top of her lungs. She is so engaging and wins people over left and right. She has started saying "hi" to all the people at the grocery store and gets absolutely thrilled when they actually say hi back. (amazingly enough, old men are the most frequent responders) She LOVES LOVES LOVES her sister (when she isn't bossing her around or taking things from her) and copies just about everything Elie does. Lainey is also talking up a storm and trying out new words. She is an unbelievable joy.

Baby Saemenes- According to my latest update, baby Saemenes is approximately the size of an apple. Elie has now decided most definitely (today) that the baby is a boy- although that might be as much her father's wishful thinking as her childish intuition. I feel guilty sometimes because this poor little child is already a "third" child. He/she has not received nearly as much devoted attention and thought as the other two. Between moving, work, two kids and life, I can't believe I am already in my second trimester. I am not complaining though... by the time life calms down enough to devote some thought and energy to this child, he/she will be nearly here and my pregnancy will be over!!!! Wahooo!

That is the general update!