Delia Jayne’s Birth Story
Your story starts at the beginning of January (well technically a few weeks before that but we won’t go into details.) Lainey had recently turned a year and I had stopped breastfeeding. I had a period but I knew that the first couple of post-baby periods are pretty inconsistent so I wasn’t really keeping track. Christmas Eve I had this weird, random suspicion that I was pregnant, but ignored it because I knew it was just my imagination. After New Year’s though I started getting REALLY suspicious and decided to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive. Clearly positive- “the line is blue before I am even done peeing on the stick” positive. Honestly, I don’t even remember how I told Nick that I was pregnant. I was in complete and utter shock. After trying for a year to get pregnant with Lainey, I had told myself that it would take time to get pregnant again. I had been so miserable for that entire year that I vowed not to let myself put my family through that again. I had built up huge walls and told myself I wasn’t ready for another baby so that if it took another year it wouldn’t hurt so bad. Nick and I walked around in shock for a couple of weeks and adjusted to the idea. Then we put an offer on a house and told our families that we were pregnant and moving.
I hate to admit this because I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want you or wasn’t excited about you but I was so busy between moving and two kids and working part time that I wasn’t able to devote as much time to thinking about your presence while I was pregnant. There was still this mist of unreality surrounding your growth within me. You didn’t make me sick like the other girls and I didn’t feel as PREGNANT physically like I did with my other pregnancies so it was easier to forget. I also was completely convinced you were a boy because of it.
Fast forward a few months and I was sitting on the couch watching Anne of Green Gables. As with Elie and Lainey, I wanted somehow to bring the legacy of my childhood hero into the naming of you. Elie had her Elven middle name, but since your father wouldn’t let me name Lainey “Avonlea” I hadn’t really but successful. All of a sudden the name Delia struck me. Everyone had suggested that I name one of my girls “Anne” but she hated her name so much that I couldn’t do that. She wanted to be named Cordelia. We had joked around about Cordelia before but I just couldn’t bring myself to name a daughter that. It means “heart” so I really wanted to because I liked that as well. But why not just Delia. I immediately felt this wash of “rightness” come over me and knew you were my little Delia. I expected to get push back from Nick but he was half hearted at best so I knew it was decided. He chose Jayne and we put the “y” in there for Jayne Cobb from the show Firefly.
Fast forward another few months. I was fat, grouchy, hot and tired of being pregnant. Life had just become insane, we had dry rot in our kitchen so the kitchen was destroyed, boxes of food on the floor, refrigerator in the dining room, plywood floor. Nick was about to finish his program so he had a 7 page paper due, a project thesis and his oral presentation due. In order to give him some time to do all his homework (and as a distraction for me) we went up to Portland for the week. Nick’s thesis was due Friday so we had a full week of activities planned to keep us out of his hair. Thursday night, around 6:45, we were sitting down to dinner outside (thankfully) at my parent’s when I felt this “pop” inside me and then a sudden panic that I was peeing my pants. My dad was talking and when he finished I said, “my water just broke.” I said it very calmly and in somewhat of a shock myself- I hadn’t processed it in my head first so I said it as I was thinking it. My parents stared at me for a minute before my dad jumped up and said (with a slight note of panic in his voice) “I am trying not to go all “oh geez oh geez on you” so what is the plan?” (my dad does not respond to crisis situations well and one time something was happening that required immediate action and he literally threw his hands up in the air and danced around saying “oh geez oh geez”) We called Nick packed up my stuff and headed home. I still had not had a contraction at this point. My house was a mess and my “I am definitely ready for this baby” attitude turned out to not entirely be the case. My mom, Nick and I ran around the house changing sheets, running to Lowe’s (Nick) to get parts for the tub, doing dishes and laundry. I was still leaking water occasionally and had to change my pants three times in a few hours despite the giant pad I pulled out of my birth kit. Around 8 I decided to get the mail and had my first contraction. Heather came down from Mom and Dad’s with Elie and we turned on Firefly for some distraction. At 9:30 I had my first strong contraction. Kari arrived soon after that. After that time is kind of lost on me. I don’t remember how close my contractions were but when they were around 5 we called the midwives over. Things were progressing fast enough and hard enough that I wanted in the pool but we didn’t have enough hot water. Heather and my mom got the old fashioned home birth task of boiling water. (I don’t think the pioneers dumped their boiling water into an inflatable tub like we did though.)
Elie and Lainey’s births were different in a lot of ways and so when I envisioned your birth I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had a few premonitions earlier in the month that labor would start by my water breaking in public, but I NEVER imagined that it would actually happen. Your labor was hard. I think because it started with my water breaking, the contractions were harder and more intense. My sciatica in my legs and back was way worse than with my other labors and I was way more emotional. Half the time I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, scream, walk around or give up. With the sciatica I didn’t even have relief between contractions because my back would still hurt. I was a lot more anxious about the whole process this time around and was constantly fighting to stay calm and relaxed. I don’t know if this birth was closer to my last one and so my body still remembered the feeling of Lainey actually coming out (which was what I was most anxious for) or what. I think since the bag wasn’t there cushioning your head, with every contraction I felt the pressure of you and felt a sense of panic that I would begin pushing.
At one point I felt like I had to poop and I said so- my midwife, Lennon, said “that’s good, it means she is closer” and I said “no, I think it means I have to poop” and I kicked everyone out. Nick stayed with me and it was the first time in 7 years that I have pooped in front of him.
We woke Elie up at about 12:45 and she was so sleepy and groggy. She mostly dozed on Heather’s lap. At one point I was feeling especially emotional and for the first time in any of my labors was feeling close to “I just can’t do it”. I had my head buried in Nick’s shoulder and was trying to keep it together when my sleepy first born baby grabbed my hand and just held it. It was an act of pure sweetness and it broke me and filled me with renewal all at the same time.
The point where I actually started to push is a blur. I had asked Kari to help me turn around right when I felt you coming. With all three of my labors, being on my hands and knees was the ONLY position I could be in. I tried moving a bit this time around but it hurt so much worse when I wasn’t on my knees. I felt like I was going to start to push so I tried to get turned around so I could see you come out, and immediately realized what a bad idea it was. I remember panicking, maybe yelling, that I couldn’t be that way but at the same time I could feel your head so I didn’t know what to do. I reached down and was cupping your head in my hands and I distinctly remember the feeling of your head. The next thing I knew you were in my arms. You came out in three contractions and it was pure instinct and adrenaline running my body. You shot out of my body in one push and I pulled you out of the water. I have no memory of this. The next thing I remember is Lennon’s urgent voice telling me the cord was wrapped around your neck and I vaguely watched as she untangled you and put you against my chest. It was such a shock to everyone to see you make your debut in such a quick and unexpected manner. You were born at 1:28am on August 19th. 7 pounds 4 oz.
Everything about your short existence so far has been full of surprise. You definitely have your own personality and are very opinionated in your desires. You are currently 11 days old and have a high-pitched scream and want to be held all the time. You came 10 days early, the day before a hugely important exam of your father’s and when we were out of town. You definitely have your own agenda.
