2 am ramblings

It is 2 in the morning. I have had about an hour of sleep so far tonight, and my prospects for the rest of the night don't look much better. This has been the way of it for about a month and a half now. My wonderful little sleeper has betrayed me and is up every two hours and occasionally awake for an hour or so in between. Yet every time I lay my head on my pillow I am prayerful and hopeful that maybe, just maybe I'll get a four hour stretch again. I mentally calculate what time that would make my next eye opening... only to be disappointed by half. I am finding myself being less patient with Elie and more depressed as the days go on, the rain doesn't help that much either. Lainey, unlike Elie, at least is happy when she is awake. I wake up to her wiggling and head shaking, not screaming. I feel guilty for being so down about such an inconsequential thing as two months of no sleep. There are people dying, suffering, facing deplorable conditions with no prospect of relief or hope. I at least have the knowledge that one day, I will again sleep. I have been here before and lived to tell the tale. This is just one more thing I can hold against my child someday in that great ledger of parenthood. So alas, sleep will be an elusive dream I will hold on to during my 2 am, 4 am and 6 am ramblings...