On tests and anxieties...

I do not worry. Rather, I pretend like I don't worry. As long as I can remember, if there was something that should cause me to be anxious- I ignored it. I push unpleasant things that I can't control to the back of my brain and think of something else. Why worry about something that I can't do anything about, right? This works for most situations. The only time it really doesn't help is if there really is something I can do- but it is hard or unpleasant and I still ignore it. For instance, this big test that I have to take TOMORROW. This big test that I have known about for two months. This big test that our entire future could very well rest on. This big test that I have not studied for in the slightest and have pretended like didn't exist.

This test is supposedly a comprehensive exam designed for teachers teaching Elementary School. The unfortunate thing for me is that I do not remember anything from Elementary School. And High School...? There is a whole section on Math and Science including Algebra, TRIGONOMETRY, Biology and Earth Science. Here is a flash back to what I remember from those subjects in High School.

Earth Science- well that was TEN years ago and all I remember is that my teacher said "um" every other (and occasionally more frequently than that) word. Biology- same teacher. By the time you could decipher the ums from the words- the content was lost.

Trig- still have no idea what this even is. Algebra- "If we shadows have offended /think but this and all is mended/. That while we slumbered here/ these visions did appear /this weak and idle theme/ no more yielding but dream." Shakespeare. Midsummer Night's Dream. Why is this all I remember from Math class? Because the guy who sat in front of me all year wore a shirt with this written on the back ALL the time. I have serious math anxiety. Like I see an equation and my palms start sweating and I can feel my blood pressure start to rise until I feel like the only way to release all the tension is to stand up and scream my head off. This creates serious issues when stuck in a classroom full of equations for 90 minutes at a time. So when the guy wore this shirt, I gladly welcomed the balm of words to have its effect. I read it almost constantly. Which is why 10 years later I remember that and not anything from the actual class.

So... now I fight with myself over whether to sit and actually study for the next 24 hours or read Anne of the Island.