Reading with Intention 2011

I counted up my books for this year and was a little disappointed in myself. Last year I read 40 books. I was really hoping to beat that this year. Unless I manage to finish one of the two books I am reading in the next four days (highly unlikely given the papers I have to grade and the house I have to clean) I will have read the same amount. I comfort myself with the knowledge that a number of the books I read were LONG not to mention I bought a house and had a baby. ANYWAY... My top 5 books of the year were... (drumroll please)

In no particular order:
Lonesome Dove- Larry McMurtry
Rebecca- Daphne du Maurier
The Fountainhead- Ayn Rand
The Good Earth- Pearl S. Buck
Our Hearts were Young and Gay- Skinner and Kimbrough

Okay I will just make it my top 10-
Winnie the Pooh- A.A. Milne
David Copperfield- Dickens
The Elegance of the Hedgehog- Muriel Barbery
Rilla of Ingleside- L.M. Montgomery
The Horse Boy- Issakson


Oh and Farenheit 451. (Can you believe I was an English major and I've never read this before?!)

It was a very good year as far as reading goes and I am excited about what adventures I will go on next year. I think I am going to FINALLY commit to reading Harry Potter...

Just another day...

All is good and peaceful in The Saemenes Household... in my dreams. That is if I had been allowed enough time to dream in between my four year old waking me up to tell me her elf (on the shelf) was "boring her," my two year old waking up needing her pacifier and my baby needing to eat. In reality, my bathroom doesn't have a wall or a shower head and more than once today I have had three screaming girls crammed on my lap. At another time I had my lunch burning on the stove, a screaming baby in bed and a turd rolling out of another kid's pants.

I haven't showered since Tuesday and it is Friday. My bathroom looks like you need a hard hat, my house looks like a war-zone and my kitchen looks like a deranged frenchman with a clever was chasing a runaway crustacean through it. I am tired and stinky and it will take all my self- control not to break open that half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer and put myself in a sugar induced state of comadic (yes, I did just make that word up) bliss.

silly old bear...

Elie and I read Winnie the Pooh together this week. It was so much fun to have her grab her book and snuggle in every time I sat down to read. I have been waiting for the day I could read with her since I found out I was pregnant. My three greatest desires for my children are that I can show them to love God, books and swimming. It was the first time I read Winnie-the-pooh and I loved it. It was very subtle with some more advanced humor, but still easy for her to understand.

On the last page was my favorite quote-
" When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, " what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. " What do you say, Piglet?"
" I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing." he said.

Double Edged Swords

I have been thinking a lot lately about the "curse of Eve." When I am pregnant especially I think about how creative God got in his curse. Physically, the sheer amount of weird things that happen to a woman's body during pregnancy is beyond what my own imagination could conjure up. One thing that has been really striking me is that to every negative thing about motherhood there is an unbelievably positive right behind it- softening the blow. As uncomfortable as it is to be pregnant, nothing matches the feeling of your child growing and kicking and stretching and simply being inside. Childbirth itself is beyond painful. In some cases, the child is literally ripped out of a woman's body and yet (at least in my own experience) I feel happy afterwards. I WANT to have another baby despite knowing the pain and discomfort I will experience getting there. As they get older, there are plenty of the same double edged sword that makes up motherhood. I remember how excited I was for Elie to say my name for the first time and how many times since I have yelled "if you say my name ONE more time I am going to scream!" since.

I have a two month old a two year old and a four and a half year old. Being a stay at home mom with small children is exhausting, lonely, and to be honest, sometimes boring. I catch myself some days saying "I just have to get through these next few years and things won't be so hard." Or with Delia, thinking "just a few more months and she'll start sleeping better." Seeing my older two growing so fast has given me pause this time around. Yes, in a few months Delia will be sleeping better but she won't have that newborn smell anymore and she won't stretch in that newborn way with her back arched and her face all squishy.

I hate "Christianese" so this is in no way an attempt at that, but motherhood has taught me so much about the way we are loved. The more I think about it, the more I think that God gave us His "curse." The curse to love someone unconditionally, despite pain, annoyance, discomfort and fear. Despite having to stand there powerlessly watching those we would die for make mistakes and get hurt. Despite being yelled at, complained at, pooped on (metaphorically and otherwise) and ignored.

Wow. That is not at all where I anticipated this blog post to go when I sat down to write it.

On having an Obsessive Personality...

I have an extremely obsessive personality. Unfortunately for me, the obsessive personality is coupled with a complete and utter lack of self control. I can't read before bed otherwise I will stay up until the book is finished, I will watch a show incessantly until I have watched them all (even if I don't like the show) and I occasionally get completely obsessed with a particular food. I am hopeless around cookies but there have been certain foods in my life that I go through phases of eating and thinking about ALL. DAY. LONG. In high school it was mozzarella sticks. When I was pregnant with Elie it was shaved ice with vitamin water. Currently, I can't stay out of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter cups. Nick actually locked them in his gun safe last night to save me from myself. And I nearly went back to Trader Joe's today just to get more. I am completely pathetic.

First Garden

I harbor secret fantasies about being a farm girl. I want a big barn with horses and cows and chickens and pigs. Step one to accomplishing that goal was go get guinea pigs. Surely, I need practice taking daily care of animals and why not start small (plus it was hard enough to talk nick into those). Unfortunately, the guinea pigs were a failure and a week after Delia was born I sold them. Step two in accomplishing my countryfied living goals was to have a garden. THAT was a success.



I learned a LOT just from trial and error and I will do my garden differently next year, but we were VERY happy with our results.

The girls especially, well Lainey especially- Elie kinda lost interest after the strawberries were done- loved to go out to the garden and pick and eat the booty. I found Lainey outside more than once eating not quite ripe tomatoes.





I also learned some about "home made" vegetables- they don't all come out looking like they do at the store. For example, some carrots look like this...



I froze green beans, carrots, zucchini and corn and made batches and batches of spagetti sauce from our tomatoes and zucchini bread. I can't wait until next year!

On having enought love...

I know a common concern for parents when they are pregnant with their second child is if they will have enough love for subsequent children. Personally, I was never worried about that because of how my love changed after Elie was born. I remember one of the things that surprised me the most about having Elie was my love for Nick. I loved him more because he loved our child. Every time I saw his smile at her or teach her something, I loved him more. When Lainey was born my love for him and Elie did the same thing. Now, with Delia, I am experiencing the same phenomenon. I love to watch Lainey be a big sister. She wants to "mwah" baby all the time. If Delia starts to cry, Lainey will immediately run to her and say "hey lelah hey shhh." She will even go so far as to get her own pacifier out of her bed and try and soothe her baby.
Elie's role as big sister is different than it was with Lainey and she loves being the one showing Lainey how to do it.
The old cliche "love grows" is so unbelievably accurate it blows my mind. My sister got married this weekend and in the sermon my brother in law (not the groom) talked about how "God is love" and therefore Love is a person. An independent entity. A living, being. I never really fully understood that until having kids.

Delia Jayne

Delia Jayne’s Birth Story

Your story starts at the beginning of January (well technically a few weeks before that but we won’t go into details.) Lainey had recently turned a year and I had stopped breastfeeding. I had a period but I knew that the first couple of post-baby periods are pretty inconsistent so I wasn’t really keeping track. Christmas Eve I had this weird, random suspicion that I was pregnant, but ignored it because I knew it was just my imagination. After New Year’s though I started getting REALLY suspicious and decided to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive. Clearly positive- “the line is blue before I am even done peeing on the stick” positive. Honestly, I don’t even remember how I told Nick that I was pregnant. I was in complete and utter shock. After trying for a year to get pregnant with Lainey, I had told myself that it would take time to get pregnant again. I had been so miserable for that entire year that I vowed not to let myself put my family through that again. I had built up huge walls and told myself I wasn’t ready for another baby so that if it took another year it wouldn’t hurt so bad. Nick and I walked around in shock for a couple of weeks and adjusted to the idea. Then we put an offer on a house and told our families that we were pregnant and moving.

I hate to admit this because I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want you or wasn’t excited about you but I was so busy between moving and two kids and working part time that I wasn’t able to devote as much time to thinking about your presence while I was pregnant. There was still this mist of unreality surrounding your growth within me. You didn’t make me sick like the other girls and I didn’t feel as PREGNANT physically like I did with my other pregnancies so it was easier to forget. I also was completely convinced you were a boy because of it.

Fast forward a few months and I was sitting on the couch watching Anne of Green Gables. As with Elie and Lainey, I wanted somehow to bring the legacy of my childhood hero into the naming of you. Elie had her Elven middle name, but since your father wouldn’t let me name Lainey “Avonlea” I hadn’t really but successful. All of a sudden the name Delia struck me. Everyone had suggested that I name one of my girls “Anne” but she hated her name so much that I couldn’t do that. She wanted to be named Cordelia. We had joked around about Cordelia before but I just couldn’t bring myself to name a daughter that. It means “heart” so I really wanted to because I liked that as well. But why not just Delia. I immediately felt this wash of “rightness” come over me and knew you were my little Delia. I expected to get push back from Nick but he was half hearted at best so I knew it was decided. He chose Jayne and we put the “y” in there for Jayne Cobb from the show Firefly.

Fast forward another few months. I was fat, grouchy, hot and tired of being pregnant. Life had just become insane, we had dry rot in our kitchen so the kitchen was destroyed, boxes of food on the floor, refrigerator in the dining room, plywood floor. Nick was about to finish his program so he had a 7 page paper due, a project thesis and his oral presentation due. In order to give him some time to do all his homework (and as a distraction for me) we went up to Portland for the week. Nick’s thesis was due Friday so we had a full week of activities planned to keep us out of his hair. Thursday night, around 6:45, we were sitting down to dinner outside (thankfully) at my parent’s when I felt this “pop” inside me and then a sudden panic that I was peeing my pants. My dad was talking and when he finished I said, “my water just broke.” I said it very calmly and in somewhat of a shock myself- I hadn’t processed it in my head first so I said it as I was thinking it. My parents stared at me for a minute before my dad jumped up and said (with a slight note of panic in his voice) “I am trying not to go all “oh geez oh geez on you” so what is the plan?” (my dad does not respond to crisis situations well and one time something was happening that required immediate action and he literally threw his hands up in the air and danced around saying “oh geez oh geez”) We called Nick packed up my stuff and headed home. I still had not had a contraction at this point. My house was a mess and my “I am definitely ready for this baby” attitude turned out to not entirely be the case. My mom, Nick and I ran around the house changing sheets, running to Lowe’s (Nick) to get parts for the tub, doing dishes and laundry. I was still leaking water occasionally and had to change my pants three times in a few hours despite the giant pad I pulled out of my birth kit. Around 8 I decided to get the mail and had my first contraction. Heather came down from Mom and Dad’s with Elie and we turned on Firefly for some distraction. At 9:30 I had my first strong contraction. Kari arrived soon after that. After that time is kind of lost on me. I don’t remember how close my contractions were but when they were around 5 we called the midwives over. Things were progressing fast enough and hard enough that I wanted in the pool but we didn’t have enough hot water. Heather and my mom got the old fashioned home birth task of boiling water. (I don’t think the pioneers dumped their boiling water into an inflatable tub like we did though.)

Elie and Lainey’s births were different in a lot of ways and so when I envisioned your birth I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had a few premonitions earlier in the month that labor would start by my water breaking in public, but I NEVER imagined that it would actually happen. Your labor was hard. I think because it started with my water breaking, the contractions were harder and more intense. My sciatica in my legs and back was way worse than with my other labors and I was way more emotional. Half the time I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, scream, walk around or give up. With the sciatica I didn’t even have relief between contractions because my back would still hurt. I was a lot more anxious about the whole process this time around and was constantly fighting to stay calm and relaxed. I don’t know if this birth was closer to my last one and so my body still remembered the feeling of Lainey actually coming out (which was what I was most anxious for) or what. I think since the bag wasn’t there cushioning your head, with every contraction I felt the pressure of you and felt a sense of panic that I would begin pushing.

At one point I felt like I had to poop and I said so- my midwife, Lennon, said “that’s good, it means she is closer” and I said “no, I think it means I have to poop” and I kicked everyone out. Nick stayed with me and it was the first time in 7 years that I have pooped in front of him.

We woke Elie up at about 12:45 and she was so sleepy and groggy. She mostly dozed on Heather’s lap. At one point I was feeling especially emotional and for the first time in any of my labors was feeling close to “I just can’t do it”. I had my head buried in Nick’s shoulder and was trying to keep it together when my sleepy first born baby grabbed my hand and just held it. It was an act of pure sweetness and it broke me and filled me with renewal all at the same time.

The point where I actually started to push is a blur. I had asked Kari to help me turn around right when I felt you coming. With all three of my labors, being on my hands and knees was the ONLY position I could be in. I tried moving a bit this time around but it hurt so much worse when I wasn’t on my knees. I felt like I was going to start to push so I tried to get turned around so I could see you come out, and immediately realized what a bad idea it was. I remember panicking, maybe yelling, that I couldn’t be that way but at the same time I could feel your head so I didn’t know what to do. I reached down and was cupping your head in my hands and I distinctly remember the feeling of your head. The next thing I knew you were in my arms. You came out in three contractions and it was pure instinct and adrenaline running my body. You shot out of my body in one push and I pulled you out of the water. I have no memory of this. The next thing I remember is Lennon’s urgent voice telling me the cord was wrapped around your neck and I vaguely watched as she untangled you and put you against my chest. It was such a shock to everyone to see you make your debut in such a quick and unexpected manner. You were born at 1:28am on August 19th. 7 pounds 4 oz.

Everything about your short existence so far has been full of surprise. You definitely have your own personality and are very opinionated in your desires. You are currently 11 days old and have a high-pitched scream and want to be held all the time. You came 10 days early, the day before a hugely important exam of your father’s and when we were out of town. You definitely have your own agenda.

comeback?

I had basically written off this blog. I felt like there was nothing in my life worth writing about (not that my kids aren't but you know) and that no one cared. Now I am a stay at home mom again and I remember why I started the blog in the first place... It was an opportunity to get my words and thoughts out. Sean Watkins says "words can starve to death if they never leave the page" well I am remembering that they can also starve to death if they never leave your head. I am home all day with small children, I have no friends and my wonderful, amazing husband is doing homework most of every evening which means I have no way to get my thoughts, feelings or even just simple words out of my head. So here it goes... I should rename my blog to word vomit. "Saemenes Four" isn't applicable anymore anyway.

disenchantment

Obviously, I have not had much motivation lately to blog. Either the novelty has worn off, or nothing going on in my life warrants sharing with others or what but... if anyone still reads it at all this is what we've been up to lately...

http://web.mac.com/nicksaemenes/Eliahna/Spring%21.html

My Four Year Old Teenager

What I heard come out of my daughter's mouth in a half an hour of our day today...

"I am never talking to you again"
"Mom, you are the best" (random hug)
cough cough "apparently, I need some water"
and lots and lots of random out of the blue tears

At one point I was holding Lainey in my lap and Elie started yelling and stomped out of Lainey's room and slammed the door. Lainey just looked at me with her brows raised and we both started laughing. I am SO excited for PMS!!!!

Saemenes Family Update

So it has been a while since I've written anything on this blog, so I figured I should start with a general update. We just bought a house in Keizer and are officially moved in as of this weekend. Apparently, we don't have any pictures of the front of our house, but here is a picture of the kitchen!

Nick- Is very excited about the idea of having a garage, a backyard and endless "man" projects to keep him busy. I have never seen any one so excited about buying a push broom. I didn't realize when we bought the house how lonely I would become. He is still plugging away at school and getting straight As. I am very proud of him. It is not fun for him.

Jessye- Is sooo excited to be 15 weeks pregnant and over the majority of the nausea. I only threw up once(!!!!) which made everything so much easier. I just figured out that I am anemic, so I had a rough couple of weeks of pure exhaustion before I figured out I should start taking iron. After three days of Iron supplements I have been able to stay up past 8 and do more than lay on the floor and watch my kids play the entire afternoon. Energy is an amazing thing. My poor mother has been fantastic since I have essentially done no housework, cooking or shopping. Work has been very exhausting but I still enjoy it.

Elie- has been attending preschool for the last two months and is so sad to be leaving her friends and school when we move. She is constantly making me alternate between laughing and wanting to yank out my hair in frustration. She is so loving (maybe a little too much so sometimes) towards Lainey and is really excited for the new baby. She is thrilled about her new room and her new house but very sad to be leaving the spoiled atmosphere of Oma and Opa's.



Miss Lainey Kate-
Lainey is a spitfire and a half. She is so funny. She either has a smile on her face and is giggling, or she is screaming at the top of her lungs. She is so engaging and wins people over left and right. She has started saying "hi" to all the people at the grocery store and gets absolutely thrilled when they actually say hi back. (amazingly enough, old men are the most frequent responders) She LOVES LOVES LOVES her sister (when she isn't bossing her around or taking things from her) and copies just about everything Elie does. Lainey is also talking up a storm and trying out new words. She is an unbelievable joy.

Baby Saemenes- According to my latest update, baby Saemenes is approximately the size of an apple. Elie has now decided most definitely (today) that the baby is a boy- although that might be as much her father's wishful thinking as her childish intuition. I feel guilty sometimes because this poor little child is already a "third" child. He/she has not received nearly as much devoted attention and thought as the other two. Between moving, work, two kids and life, I can't believe I am already in my second trimester. I am not complaining though... by the time life calms down enough to devote some thought and energy to this child, he/she will be nearly here and my pregnancy will be over!!!! Wahooo!

That is the general update!

My own little fairy tale

EIGHT years ago today I fell in love. I went to a my little sister's boyfriend's concert in a tiny little cafe in downtown Albany and fell in love. I was sitting so far away that I couldn't see the guy's face but he sang a song and suddenly I had this feeling of absolute emptiness- like my body had just discovered that it was missing a piece that it didn't even know existed. After the concert, I made an off-hand comment to my sister "I think I am in love."

One year later, that guitar player who had won my heart before I could even pick him out of a crowd, proposed to me in an old, one room school house in the middle of the forest. I am a lucky girl.

It's a boy?

Well, I have officially passed the point in my pregnancy where I threw up with both of the girls... without throwing up! I never thought I could be pregnant and digest all of my food. I haven't even had really bad nausea, which is also amazing. So if only I could get over my CONSTANT need to eat and falling asleep on the floor while playing with my children at 3:00, I wouldn't even know I was pregnant!

Happy Pie Day!

My sister in law posted on facebook today that it was National Pie Day. That was all the excuse I needed to bake a pie.












So Happy Pie Day from the Saemenes Family!

Sorry you weren't here to share it with us D!

My Year of Reading with Intention

I read a total of 40 books this year. I am proud of myself for the number and for quite a few of the books I read. Not all of the books would exactly qualify as "intentional" and I didn't read all of the ones off my list... but I count it as a success nonetheless.

My favorites-
The Help- Kathryn Stockett
The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde
The Raging Quiet- Sherryl Jordan (This is actually a YA book that I have read a few times but is still one of my favorites)
Pride&Prejudice & Zombies- Seth Grahame-Smith and Jane Austen
Watership Down-Richard Adams
Hunger Games- Suzanne Collins

There were some others that I read that I liked, but these are my favorites. I am excited to start my 2011 book list. Let me know if you have any recommendations!